I am in trauma surgery right now. We were repairing the effects of a shotgun to the belly of a young gentleman...my attending surgeon, my resident, my intern and I are all women. The hands of these skilled surgeons was something to watch. The level of competence was admirable and the outcomes were impeccable.
After the surgery, we were congregated and our casual conversation lead us to dating. All of us single, all of us strong, capable, beautiful women. It was amazing to hear them lament about the same things I have often come across. Two of them said that they now tell men that they meet that they "work in healthcare" without telling anyone that they are doctors...why is it that many men look at women like us, and think that we do not want, need or can contribute to a relationship? That somehow our successes diminish them as men?
After the surgery, we were congregated and our casual conversation lead us to dating. All of us single, all of us strong, capable, beautiful women. It was amazing to hear them lament about the same things I have often come across. Two of them said that they now tell men that they meet that they "work in healthcare" without telling anyone that they are doctors...why is it that many men look at women like us, and think that we do not want, need or can contribute to a relationship? That somehow our successes diminish them as men?
9 comments:
i wonder if there's a bit of a financial consideration implied here too. i have a few friends of extraordinary wealth (both genders). they struggle to be appreciated for who they are, vs. their bank accounts. it's really hard, so they say, to know the difference in people's motives.
meeting someone and saying "i'm a doctor" might automatically increase the appeal of a professional woman, but not necessarily for the noblest of reasons. although if all things are common in a marriage, why should it matter? i would have no problem knowing that my intended was positioned to take care of me, and i highly doubt he'd have a problem knowing that i could take care of him financially. if you're a team, it matters little. unless pride gets in the way.
that said, i'm proud of my doctor girl friends. i have several. you're all amazing women and i'm grateful for the richness you add to my life (bad choice of words?)
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ps: kudos for keeping up with the blog during this time! i'm really impressed! ♥
So I have this brother in law...
I've heard female doctors lament this same issue.
Yes, there are many men who are intimidated by successful women. The type of woman who goes into medicine tends to be bullheaded and or crazy. -Neither one exactly lures men in.
There are others things to be aware of, though. I don't have stats, but it's been my observation that there are more single men and women in time intensive specialties. Your surgery story is a prime example.
When I did general medicine there were more married residents than singles, and the vast majority of female attendings were already hitched (not that IM is easy, but less so compared to say, NeuroSurg.)
Why this pattern? Well, I imagine it's hard to meet someone/ or keep them when you're married to your job.
I've also met too many surgeons who get off on what they do and love themselves for it. When you have an ego for two there's little room for a spouse. Studies have shown that the *average* non-PCP wants instant gratification and thrives off of praise. Those are qualities that do not transfer well to a relationship. -I'm not accusing your coworkers of these same things, just giving another reason why the aforementioned disparity exists. If your specialty gets a bad rep, then it's somewhat understandable why others flee once they hear "I'm a surgeon. . ."
I think everyone should read the article entitled 'Medicine: An excuse FROM living.' It puts it all in perspective.
Will men be intimidated by dating a female physician? Initially, yes. But if she shows him that he is more important than her next O.R. case, things should work out.
I nominated you to win these mugs Dana!
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That's just because you haven't been able to educate them yet! They have no idea what they are missing. Things can take a bit more effort to help things along during certain times learning/traiing. If they don't want to make the effort, they aren't worth it!!!!! At some point in life relationships hit the rocks, and if they are giving up when they see a few rocks early on...that's their short-sightedness.
SO where do I need to go to meet all these single women doctors?
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